WTF - No WTF???

Well, it's Tuesday, which means typically 4 me that it's WTF day, but I've been thinking lately about doing away with WTF day altogether. Doesn't really serve much purpose other than to entertain myself and I've decided I need to stop indulging so much in mastubatory practices, not masturbation, mind U, NEVER that, otherwise I'd have no friends! Plus, I'm getting rather lazy and don't feel like looking up stories about stupid people every week. We all know it ... they exist and there's just nothing we can do about it..

Of course, I'm not a mean spirited fella. If U really feel like a lack of WTF on Tuesday would just fuck up your week, holla and let me know and perhaps I could be persuaded. Other than that, though, it's a bye - bye!

WTF???

The Addams Family

The trip with the family this weekend was .... uh, how shall I put this ... short lived. What is it about these visits to these particular relatives that always end up being ... a little creepy? Honestly, after the onslaught of boredom from last year's trip, I vowed to never go again. I only went this time because I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about my new business to my family. Well, that opportunity never arose. We weren't there long enough. We came back to Baltimore the same night.

Now, these relatives we visit have money. A lot of it. And the rest of us are pretty much damn near poor, especially in comparison. Every year for the past three years we've visited him, he's been in a different "mansion". What I can't figure out is if he has so much money why do his houses always look like shit? Sure, it's BIG, but it's gross! Especially this latest house we visited. I felt like I was in that Stephen King movie "The Shining". I kept expecting to see dead twins pop up around every twisted corner. And everyone who lives in that house could be from a horror flick, too. Even the dog, who pissed and then threw up big chunks of burnt chicken that was fed to him because it was too chargroiled and toxic for human consumption, was eerie to say the least. The carpet and walls were painted this vomit shade of putrid lime green and the molding was ... wait for it ... pink.

They attempted to grill food for us, but as I mentioned earlier, it was more like they were trying to burn the house down. The meat was unrecognizable. Thankfully, some skilled grilling veterans ( my mom and my aunt) saved the day with the food. But let me tell you, trying to find some food or anything kitchenlike in their kitchen was a chore. No plates, no silverware, no trashcan ... and I looked everywhere. Sure, you have a movie screen sized TV, but you can't go to the dollar store and stock up on some kitchenware?

Anyhoo, we left the creepy mansion and went home the same night. We felt like prisoners escaping Sing-Sing. It was a bit funny. And I know they mean well. They're just odd, kind of like the Addams Family.

So, summer is over officially because school started today. I know this because I live right by a school and this morning as I drove off it was like trying to navigate a mine field. The street was full of kids. I can't believe this is it. I feel like my summer just started yesterday. I'm not ready, yet, I'm just not ready.

"I want 2 get away, I wanna fly away!" - Lenny Kravitz, Fly Away

Uh Oh.

I met and talked to the CUTEST boy last night. I'd met him before but we never really talked. I always see him out, but I'd never speak. Well, last night ... we talked. And he was really cool.

And 3 guesses what his name is! If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you're probably laughing right now cuz U already know. (right, BL?)

So, it's 10 am, I'm about to go to New Jersey with my family for the weekend, I still need to pack, and obviously, since I'm actually sitting here writing about it, someone is on my mind.

Shit. I love it. And I hate it. But I really love it. But, God, do I hate it! Holla if U hear me!

I'm gonna call him. And if we go on a date, please God, don't let him end it with a handshake.

"I can't figure out just what 2 do when the cause and cure is U." - SWV, Weak

The Top Ten

Ok, so taking this theme a little further, if I had to make a top ten all time favorite albums list from all the faves I listed below, it would probably look like this: (U have NO idea how hard this was!)

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE ALBUMS OF ALL TIME (limiting Prince to only four slots and excluding all greatest hits collections):

1. Prince - Sign 'o' the Times
2. Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
3. Prince - Purple Rain
4. Marvin Gaye - What's Goin' On?
5. Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life
6. Prince - The Gold Experience
7. Coldplay - X & Y
8. Prince - Grafitti Bridge
9. U2 - Achtung, Baby
and last but not least (this was the hardest spot ... I'm sweating it!)

Ok, it's a two - way tie for the last spot between:

10. Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation and Madonna - Ray of Light

And there U have it, my top ten (or 11 actually).

I personally can't believe Depeche Mode isn't in there, they would definitely be no. 11. Violator for sure.

"Words R very unneccessary, they can only do harm." - Depeche Mode, Enjoy the Silence

Favorite Albums of All Time

So, my friend Tori Fixx suggested I post a list of my favorite albums of all time like the one he did. This should be fun! I still have A SHITLOAD of music left to discover, but here's what's gotten me through this far.

I'll just go head and list all my Prince faves up front, cuz u already know he leads the pack!

Prince - Sign 'o' the Times
Prince - Grafitti Bridge
Prince - The Gold Experience
Prince - Purple Rain
Prince - Lovesexy
Prince - 1999
Prince - Controversy
Prince - O(+>
Prince - Diamonds and Pearls
Prince - Emancipation (especially disk 2)
Prince - The Rainbow Children

ok ok ... I'll get off of Prince now ... and onto the rest...(in no particular order)

Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
Coldplay - X & Y
Coldplay - Parachutes
Stevie Wonder - Songs in the Key of Life
Lauryn Hill - The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Marvin Gaye - What's Goin' On
U2 - Achtung Baby
Depeche Mode - Songs of Faith and Devotion
Depeche Mode - Violator
Depeche Mode - 101
Depeche Mode - Exciter
Justin Tranter - Scratched
Sacha Sackett - Shadowed
Janet Jackson - The Velvet Rope
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation 1814
Madonna - Ray of Light
Madonna - Erotica
Madonna - The Immaculate Collection
David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
M'shell N'dgeocello - Bitter
City of Angels Soundtrack
John Mayer - Room for Squares
Alanis Morrissette - Supposed Former Infatuation Junky
Alanis Morrissette - So Called Chaos
Mary J. Blige - My Life
Babyface - Tender Lover
Anita Baker - Rapture
Maxwell - Embrya
Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam - Straight Outta Hell's Kitchen
Commissioned - (forget the name of it, but the one with "When Jesus Sings" on it)
Aaliyah - One In a Million
Missy Elliot - Miss "E" - So Addictive
Incubus - A Crow Left of the Murder
Brandy - Full Moon
Coldplay - Live
Jill Scott - the first one
Christina Aguilera - Stripped
Toni!Tony!Tone! - Sons of Soul
Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters
Whitney Houston - Greatest (Crack)Hits


That's it for now, but I can't wait to discover new "favorites of all time" ... It's one of the best feelings in the world.

"I can feel it all over!" - Stevie Wonder

The Power of Rhythm Nation 1814

So, as I'm rushing my late ass to work this morning after only 3 hours sleep, I search frantically for my Rhythm Nation CD. I've been wanting to listen to it for weeks but have been too lazy to find it in my collection cuz I keep my cds in no rhyme or reason. So, I find it and pop it in in my car and wow ... I haven't listened to this CD in ages ... and once again I'm flooded with memories.

I remember when I first got the cassette tape (I didn't own a cd player back then). I had just moved to a new house in Grand Prairie that my dad had bought. Actually, I had just moved back to TX after spending a year in Baltimore with my grandparents. My parents were separated and though I wanted to stay in Baltimore with my mom when she finally moved, everybody else thought I would be better back in TX because of the school system (which was bullshit, let me tell U.) That was the only year that I spent away from my mom ... and what a miserable fucking year it was. I had never had a very good relationship with my dad and this year just made it worse.

Anyhoo, in 1989 for my 13th birthday, my dad gave me the Rhythm Nation cassette ... wrapped in newspaper ... like we were in a Charles Dickens novel or something. I mean, my father was cheap but we were far from poor. He was too cheap to pay for me to rent a saxophone so that I could stay in band even though it was clear I had natural musical instinct. Couldn't even take music lessons. But I digress. He was so cheap I was happy to get anything from him, but I don't think he had ANY idea just how profound an impact that album would have on me. For starters, it began my lifelong infatuation with Miss Jackson. I was addicted to it and addicted to her! The sonic landscape that Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis created for that album was groundbreaking. I had no idea at the time that Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis were actually members of the Time. No wonder I liked their shit soooo much! They helped shape that MPLS sound that flavors so much of my music.

I was married to my headphones back then. I didn't have any friends at this new school that I hated (I was ALWAYS starting new schools), the growing dilemna I had with my sexuality just kept getting deeper and more complex, I was completely alone and alienated and basically music was the only outlet and "friend" I had. I had started writing songs the year before, but it was THIS particular year that I discovered the moniker "Saturn" and started using it to write all my music, like an alter ego. Oh, shit, maybe I had multiple personality disorder. I did used to have imaginary friends and shit .... um, ok, let's not go there.

All I'm saying is Rhythm Nation got me through some shit. The next summer we visited Baltimore and I begged my mom to let me stay with her. Instead of doing that, she left her life and her family and went back to a relationship that was basically already doomed ... and she did it for me. I wonder how my life would have been different if we would have instead stayed in Baltimore. Well, they divorced three years later ... and I was not sorry at all. There was, of course, no question where we kids were going.

Geez, I didn't even mean to get into all that. I was just thinking about how I would sit in front of the TV for hours and teach myself the moves to her Rhythm Nation and Miss U Much videos, LOL.

I luv U, Janet!

And nothing could have prepared me for the album event of the following year - the release of Grafitti Bridge. That album inspired me in more ways that I can count ... but that's a whole 'nother story.

"It's nice 2 laugh, but don't be the joke." - Janet Jackson, The Knowledge

A.M. Rambling

It's 3:30 a.m. and my dumbass is up blogging instead of sleeping when I KNOW I have to be up in three and a half hours for another long ass day of my 8 to 5 day job. Why, U ask? Once again contemplating my life, my career, the same 'ole shit. I think maybe I contemplate too damn much.

In any case, I went to support a band tonight called Stone Gato and I'm SO glad I did! They were incredible! AND their opening band, Nayas, was the fucking bomb! Both groups now have a fan in me. I LOVE good music ... obviously, or else I wouldn't do what I do, right? But tonight it was also inspirational to see other artists doing their thang on their own. They had a decent crowd and these hombres were amazingly talented musicians. (In fact, I already have the bug to ask the percussive guy from Nayas and the violinist from Stone Gato to play on a couple of songs for a record I'm "contemplating" next year ... but I'm jumping ahead.)

I didn't stay to the end of Stone Gato's set because I was to meet a friend at the Hippo for hip-hop night. I danced, as I always do, to the styles of DJ Rosie. She doesn't play any mixes and she plays the same shit every week, but I don't care because I LOVE IT! (And so much eye candy, good lawd, that's reason enough to go!) DJ Rosie hasn't played my song "Make U Scream" yet, which I think would fit in nicely on hip hop night. To be honest, I haven't bugged her, I only asked her once ... months ago ... and I never followed up. U know why? (the contemplation begins here, honey) Because I'm scared. Scared people won't like it, scared it's not good enough, scared it will clear the dancefloor. I don't know why I'm scared ... my comrads Aaron Carl and Tori Fixx both hail "Make U Scream" as their favorite song on Deviant, and I respect and value their opinions tremendously, but still ... the doubt and fear lingers, "she hasn't played it cuz she knows it will clear the dancefloor". I couldn't stand it if it did. I'd be done. SO, I don't push the issue. I just dance my little ass off til I'm dripping wet and have a great time.

I also ran into a guy, a fucking hot white boi with some junk in da trunk (sorry, had 2 throw that in), who I've been courting for weeks to dance for me in an upcoming gig. I had written him off because he's been completely non-responsive to my calls and shit and that is my BIGGEST pet-peeve when I mean business, but I decided to ask him one last time. I've found a choreographer and dancer from DC (I hope) and I just need one more dancer. Plain fact is he's just too busy ... which if anyone can appreciate, it's me. Then I started to think to myself, "the gig is only 15 to 20 minutes and you really don't have the TIME to put together 2 solid routines for it ... so why are you stressing over having dancers? Why not just do the gig solo and keep the money you're getting paid instead of once again handing it all over?" Once again, the answer is FEAR. Fear of having to hold it down in front of a crowd of danced out white gay men (hopefully there will be SOME color there, but this IS the Poconos, so I ain't holding my breath!) all by myself for 15 - 20 minutes. Am I good enough to do that? Am I good enough to make them dance without back up dancers and a whole routine that would be fitting of their icons Janet and Britney?

So, I came home feeling a little down cuz I can't believe that after all that I've accomplished by myself these last three years that I'd still be insecure and let fear hold me back. Then I went browsing some other artists on myspace and checked out the webpages to check up on a few of my personal favorite indie artists who are doing SO well, and what started out to be a deepening tunnel of negativity and gloom turned right around into being a surge of optimism, hope and confidence. I began to have ideas of things I haven't tried yet, ways I'm not thinking outside the box. I realized that I HAVEN'T done all I could cuz I'm still working a day job and I'm letting things like money (or lack of), debt, and what I feel to be family obligations hold me back. When it comes down to it, the fact is I have to be willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING and go balls to the wall after my dream if I want it bad enough. So, the true question is ... do I really want it that bad?

The answer is no. I'm not going to go bankrupt over chasing this dream. I'm not going to roll out on the people I love chasing this dream. And I'm not gonna starve chasing this dream. But I'm also NOT gonna give up and let something as stupid as fear get in my way. I came up with some really good ideas tonight. Plus, I started a business recently that will provide me with some financial security and allow me to quit my day job in 2 or 3 years. Right now 2 or 3 years seems like a long time, but looking back at the last 3 year I realize it's no time at all. And time waits 4 no one.

So, money is tighter than it's ever been, Deviant has not and is not doing what I hoped it would do, I only have a month (with really no time in it) to teach new band members a set and to find dancers and a choreographer and learn a full routine for my upcoming shows, but STILL I am optimistic. In the end, it's all gonna be alright. And it's now 4 a.m. Only 3 hours until I'm hitting that damn snooze button. I CAN NOT WAIT to be able to leave this 8 - 5 foolishness behind!

"Look 2 the hills, U will find your help there. Help from the Lord, so never despair. He will lead U 2 victory eventually. When the time is right you'll surely see." - Saturn, Story of My Life

WTF - Don't Talk Back 2 Yo' Mama!

Shit, I'm glad my mama wasn't this fucked in the head:

In separate incidents on Tuesday, July 26, mothers in Falls Church, Va., and Zephyrhills, Fla., kicked their young sons (ages 4 and 7, respectively) out of their cars on busy highways and abandoned them as punishment for backtalk. Channoah Alece Green, 22, in Virginia even knocked her son down driving off on Interstate 495 as he tried to climb back in. The problem addressed by Lori Heine, 46, in Florida was that her son wanted a McDonald's Cheeseburger Happy Meal when she had already bought him a McNuggets Happy Meal. [Washington Post, 7-27-05] [St. Petersburg Times, 7-28-05]

4 crying out loud, if you're gonna dump your kid, do it on a backroad where nobody else can see you and where they're not likely 2 be found, u nitwit! Not on the busiest beltway in the nation's capital where everyone is a witness and can write about yo' dumb ass!

Sad part is some woman somewhere will read that and go "oh ... he has a point! Good idea!"

Tell me that shit don't make u say ...

"What the f*ck?!?!"

The Six Degrees of Brad Pitt

Ok, so Kevin Bacon is so 80s already, right? So, while I was recovering from the night/morning this afternoon as I lay in bed, don't ask me why but as a way to get to sleep I started playing with myself ... mind out of the gutters u nasty whores! ... I mean playing Six Degrees of Brad Pitt with myself. It was so much fun that I played with some friends and family today, too and guess what? NO ONE has been able to stump me yet! I can't even come up with someone that I can't connect to the sultry Mr. Jolie ... erhmmm, I mean Mr. Pitt. So, here it is 4 U ...

A CHALLENGE!!!

Name any living motion picture actor/actress and I can connect them within 6 degrees or less (and by degrees I mean movies) with Brad Pitt.

I double dare you to prove me wrong!

"Come on, bitch!" - Aaron Carl, Switch

So, What's an Appendectomy?

It's where they suck out your appendix. That's what my little sister just had to go through. Yikes. We didn't know what was wrong with her but it was a good thing she went to the ER last night. The stinky appendage appendix is now gone and she is doing just fine ... thank God.

I realized as I spent hours and hours in the hospital today that I've always ever been in the hospital as a visitor, never a patient. Just another way I'm blessed. I discover new blessings everyday.

"Awww, sister, U been on my mind ..." - Shug Avery, Miss Celie Blues

Shameless and Tacky

I don't think my bright idea of going around town with my flyers and CDs is going to work. I had my bag of cds and flyers with me last night before I went out. I was at dinner and I asked someone I knew would tell me the truth:
"Do U think it shameless and tacky 4 me 2 go up 2 complete strangers in a bar and hand them a flyer and start telling them about my music and to try to sell them a CD?"

He said, "Um .... maybe a little" with a nod of his head, which basically meant "Hell yeah, U tacky, desperate whore!"

I kind of felt that way, but nevertheless his assurance burst my bubble, deflated me if u will.

So, I got these flyers made, spent $51 for nothing. Well, not nothing, I guess. I can still use the flyers for other things, so, I'll get some use out of 'em. But damn, why did I think this would work?

"Everything I know is wrong. Everything I do, it just comes undone." - Coldplay, The Hardest Part

WTF - Let's Get Soaking ... OOOOPS!

U know at the amusement park how there's always that big splash water ride where you get about 20 people in the boat, it goes up about 45 - 50 feet, round a bend, then shoots down into a pool and there's a mountain of water that soaks everyone in the boat and everyone standing on the bridge over the splash so that everyone stinks like chlorine for the rest of the day? Well, apparently in Atlantic City, they have this ride. Only, somebody forgot 2 fill the pool:

A Philadelphia firefighter was hospitalized in critical condition, and his wife and their three children injured, in Atlantic City in June after an accident at the Steel Pier amusement park. The five were in a ride car on the Big Splash, where after a descent, the car was to slide into the water at a high speed and soak everyone, but apparently the park workers on duty had either forgotten to put water in the basin or had not noticed that it had all drained out. [Philadelphia Inquirer, 6-22-05]

Usually my sources are reputable, but I don't know if the Philadephia Inquirer is like a REAL news source or more akin to the National Enquirer. I mean, it's pretty hard 2 believe something this absurd could happen, that people could be this negligent and just plain stupid ... but then again, I see and read about stupidity everyday. And it ALWAYS makes me say ...

"What the f*ck?!?!"

I Need a Jump

Last night my car battery died. Luckily, I had a friend who was going out clubbing who was able to give me the required "jump".

Well, last night I also had a date. At least I think it was a date. In my mind, it was a date. We walked together, we had dinner, a lovely conversation ... he was adorably cute and very intelligent ... but there was not a hint of sexual buzz in the air between us. Not that I didn't want there to be, I kept waiting for a cue, a flirt, a sign ... anything that would indicate that I passed the "hot" test. Sure, I could have come on strong and been aggressive, but my gut was telling me that was not the move to make in this situation. Some guys like to take things slow, real slow, and I'm completely cool with that. So I figured that's what this was.

We walked back to his place ... there was no one else home at the moment. I thought he would invite me in for a drink or just to chat a bit more ... it was still early. But no. He extended his hand. That's right ... his hand! I was dumbstruck. He said I had his number, his email, blah blah blah ... to get in touch. I couldn't believe I didn't even warrant a peck on the lips or at least an "I'd like 2 see U again."

Now, I've gotten this kind of reception on dates before and in both cases we ended up good friends. So, could he be another friend? I'm sure of it. We got along "fancily". But damnit, like my dead battery, I need a jump! No, I don't mean sex, I just mean ... passion, romance, that surge of desire, that little uneasiness in the pit of your stomach you experience when you realize "this might be going somewhere."

I won't discount anything with the handshake kid yet. After all, he graciously entertained me while I waited for my friend to come and give me a jump. He even came out to make sure the car started and that I was ok. I really like him ... but all my intution is telling me he'd rather fall in the friend category. But maybe I'm wrong. I'll let a couple of days pass and I'll call him. Or maybe I'll email him. I don't know the proper protocol.

Dating sux!

"Kiss me, bring me 2 life and break me. Make me a new man before I disappear..." - Saturn, The Virgin Poet

No More Shots, Bartender! (ok, just one more)

Last night didn't exactly go as planned. For one, I felt silly walking into the bar with a bag so I left the cds in my car and just took my flyers. Secondly, though I did hand some flyers out, it was basically to people I knew already. See, I know a lot of people at this bar. And those I didn't know? Well, YOU walk into a bar stone sober and see how easy it is to walk up to a complete stranger and just start talking about yourself! I've never been very good at that, obviously, or else I'd have more dates (one could only hope).

The third thing is ... well, drinks were only $1.75 until 11, ANYTHING you wanted to drink. I forgot, this is why I don't go to this bar on Friday nights. 2 drinks and I'm drunk. Well, I had 3, including a martini. Oh yeah, and two shots. Talk about toast? My ass was lit up like the fourth! I hate when I get that sloppy drunk because I just get stupid silly and I have a hard time remembering what I say to people. Thankfully, my friend drove me to his place so I could crash on his couch. I'm sitting on his computer typing this now. There was no way I could have drove home. It would have been another lonely night sleeping in my car like a hobo ... scratch that - a homobo.

And now? It feels like my brain is rattling trying to get outside my head. 6 aspirin and still no relief. This has got to be one of the worst headaches I've had in my life!

I'm never drinking again! Ever! Ok, maybe just not tonight.

I hope my friend gets up soon. I'm ready 2 go home. I have stronger medication there.

And I'll have to give this flyer thing another go. Maybe I should go someplace I never go and where I'm not bound to run into the same people again ... someplace like any straight bar in Baltimore!

"If at first U don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again." - Aaliyah, Try Again

Baltimore's Best Kept Secret

Well, it only took me 3 months, but I finally got those flyers I talked about in this post from May made up. After going back and re-reading that post , it is a bit naive to think I could go out and push it EVERY night or that I could even inspire some of my friends to do the same, but I will make it a point to at least go out 2 - 3 times a week with these flyers and just advertise the CD.

4 crying out loud, I've got to do something! I was talking with my good friend Aaron Carl earlier today and realized that I have not moved shit as far as my CD is concerned. It's pathetic and I've been wracking my brain as to why. I didn't invest 5 grand into this project just to sit on it and see all the money and soul and dedication I put into it go 2 waste. So the question remains what am I doing wrong? How do I turn surfers and casual listeners into BUYERS. I've gotten over 600 hits to my cdbaby page from my video being featured on MSN these past few weeks and still ... not one single sale. Talk about a sting. I had 2 think 4 a moment ... is it because my record sux? I took it out and listened to it again. No, it doesn't suck. It's pretty damned good. I've even gotten good reviews.

So, instead of whining about it, I have to take action. I have a 5 part plan, the first of which are these delicious flyers. Instead of calling it "the alternative to straight pop", I went with "Baltimore's Best Kept Secret!" It seemed to fit the picture I chose. What do u think?

Phase 2 is this new mp3 card thing I'm going to try. It's like internet viral marketing.

Phase 3 is getting featured on PlanetOut. I know someone who sold over 100 cds in a week from the exsposure they got on there. That's more than I've sold in a year!

Phase 4 is this new thing called Your Music Network. It's new so it might not work, but I'll try anything at this point.

And Phase 5 is booking as many dates and performing as much as I possibly can. I sell 90% of my CDs (which at this point doesn't amount to much) from gigging or just me telling folks about it, so I need to gig more! Even though my band has fallen apart, I still have some upcoming solo shows. More importantly, I have my very first two paid gigs! (thanks, John!) In three years, I've never been paid anything to perform unless it was a cut of the door, and that only happened once ... at my CD release party in January. And all that money went to pay my band. I didn't see a dime. So, I'm very excited to FINALLY get a little compensation from a show. And the best part is the audience is built in. I don't have to go scrap and scrape and BEG everybody I know in Baltimore to PLEASE come to my show like I normally do. THANK GOD!

I'm always open 2 ideas. If any of U strangers or friends out there in cyberland have any new fandangled strategies on how I can sell more CDs and earn more fans, by all means, let a brutha know! The only way I'm ever going to make it to the big time is if I conquer the small time ... and damn, it's a lot harder doing that than I ever thought it would be.

"I just want the chance 2 play the part, the part of someone truly free." - Prince, Slave

WTF - Rude Muthaf*ckas

I'm a day late with my WTF entry this week. My sincerest apologies 2 anyone who gives a rat's ass.

So, check it out. I went to see "Cinderella Man" last night and this punk muthaf*cka's cell phone rings in the middle of the movie and he answers it! Then proceeds to have a fuckin five minute conversation in full volume! What the f*ck is wrong with people? This is not an isolated incident. This is why I go to movies less and less. It's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves to be agitated while I'm trying to enjoy a flick and this guy was really punching my last nerve last night. So, I turned around to say something, cuz I ain't got no shame when I'm pissed off, but the muthaf*cka was 350 lbs, wearing a members only jacket and had bling all over his hands. I quickly turned back around and minded my business. I wasn't about 2 f*ck with Biggie's lil' bro. Thankfully, he only had one phone call during the movie.

Cinderella Man is an awesome flick by the way, probably the best movie I've seen in the theatre so far this year. But Brangelina's Mr. and Mrs. Smith is still the most fun I've had at the movies this year. There were no heavyweight drug dealers in that movie ... then again, I saw that one in Columbia and not at the $2 cinema!

As usual, people everyday make me say ...

"What the f*ck?!?!"

The Journey to Fagapalooza and Beyond

I began my trip to New York on Friday morning to celebrate with Kris Landherr his birthday and the 4 year anniversary of Fagapalooza. It promised to be a fun and rewarding experience, not to mention the performance benefited a good cause (Marriage Equality) AND I got to spend a weekend in my favorite city, NY!

On the way to the bus station I went by MickeyDs thinking I would get some breakfast ... I should have known better. They didn't have ham, they didn't have sausauge, they didn't have english muffins, they didn't even have the "round" eggs that go on english muffins. I asked "What the hell do you have, fucktard?" (ok, I didn't say fucktard) 2 which he replied, "We got biscuits." Well, after he fixed the order that he messed up, I ordered a bacon egg and cheese sandwich, my favorite. We drive around to the window and the guy who is standing there to take our money, the same guy who took our order, looked like he could have been the grand fucking poobah of fucktardom. Why does MickeyD's hire such dunces?? He hadn't bothered to shave or do his hair or pretend to give a rats ass about very much except scratchin' his balls. Great. So, I pull up to the next window to get my food ... and guess what.

"Sir, we're all out of biscuits. Do you want that on a McGriddle?" Suffice it to say I got my money back and settled on some chicken strips at the bus station.

Now, at the bus station, the bus was 30 minutes late. The bus pulls in and this middle-aged-but-rapidly-approaching-elderly fat woman gets out and starts yelling at us:

"NOW LISTEN UP! I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONCE! THE AC ON THIS BUS AIN'T WORKING TOO WELL. I'M WARNING YOU, IT'S GONNA GET HOT. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES. YOU CAN TAKE THIS BUS NOW OR YOU CAN WAIT FOR THE ONE O CLOCK!"

Well, I couldn't wait, I had a show to get to. I couldn't keep my millions of fans (shut up!) waiting. How bad could it be, right? We all got on the bus, but this woman had to be the most miserable sad old hag I've ever seen in my life. Honey, if you hate your job or hate life in general, please don't take it out on the rest of civilization, especially when they've paid money to spend four hours of their life with you. The people around me seemed to publicly voicing everything that was only in my head. Before we rolled off, the driver said "THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. IF YOU WANT OFF THIS BUS, GET OFF NOW!" It was a very ominous warning. A couple of girls behind me said it seemed like an omen, that maybe we should ALL depart the bus or else we would be departing the planet in the next few hours. But nobody moved. We pulled out of the station and guess what ... they had a movie scheduled. They didn't have fucking air conditioning but they had working tv screens. They showed The Pacifier. I would have preferred gay porn but whatever.

Needless to say it was hot as hell. Thankfully I was able to sleep most of the way. I'd never been happier in my life to get off the bus!

Thankfully, the rest of my weekend in New York made up for the hellish journey. By the time I got to Siberia for Fagapalooza that night, I was drained. There wasn't any air in this facility either, just a big fan. I couldn't get any relief it seemed. Well, they called my name to go up and sing and all I wanted to do was pass out and go to sleep. How was I gonna pull this off? Well, as it always happens, a few notes into my first song, I find my footing, I get my wind and I remember why it is I love doing this in the first place. I finish my last song and I'm completely pumped up and full of energy ... and dripping fucking wet in sweat.

That night I went to this bar called Therapy. That's what I love about New York. You can go by yourself to a bar and in minutes meet someone. Everyone I met there that night was from someplace else. The bar was very chic and had good music. I started to talking to a guy from Chicago and we ended up conversing all night. Well, maybe we did a little more than converse. Yeah, ok, we made out. In the club. In the bathroom. On the street. At the subway station. I was trying to get home to Brooklyn, I really was, we just couldn't keep our tongues out of each other or our hands off of one another. He was a strapping lad, too ... nice broad chest like he played football ... yum. At one point, we're making out by the subway station and a homeless guys comes by and says, "Damn, you two must be in love. Are you in love?" We looked at each other and laughed. It was all so ... so splendid. Well, he put me in a cab so I wouldn't have to take the metro. I'm glad his friend had taken a bloke back to their hotel room that night. This prevented me from being a ho, thank U. But I also think I prefer this memory and the mystery of sex that never was to spending a night in a stranger's hotel room. It's much more ... romantic this way. And I'm nothing if not romantic. Shut up!

The next day I spent with my jewish-cum-rapper buddy Soce. I have to link up to his blog as soon as I find it. And that night I spent with my HOT new lesbian dance diva friend Sandra Grace. We went to this party and I met all kinds of cool people ... including one of the prettiest frat boys I've seen in my entire life. Ok, had he asked me to do it ... I would have, anywhere, anytime ... oh shut up, you would have too had you seen him. Unfortunately, he did not put the moves on me and I was much too intimidated to put the moves on him. Bummer. I did make out (just kisses mind you) with an older but charming and definitely cute gentleman. We sneaked over to the next door neighbors back patio cuz she hadn't moved in yet. I had NO intention of making out with this guy, but it just sort of happened. You know how that is. It was nice. So, we rejoined the party and I got the feeling he was hoping more would happen. Well, I hate to be a tease but it couldn't be helped. I was not trying to ho it up this weekend! Remember my mantra from March! So, he left and then some of us went to some club called Barrage where I got completely shitfaced. My new friend and fellow outmusician Danny Katz was there. I think I held onto him a bit too much ... I couldn't quite stand. But then 2 guys took me with them to yet another bar in Chelsea called Barricuda. It was cute, but more importantly they played good ass fucking music. I talked to some cute boy that looked like Ewan McGregor and ran into someone who just happened to be a fan of Outmusic!

Then, at 4 am, I caught a cab home. It was a magnificent day ... New York style.

And I'm happy to report that the bus ride home to Baltimore was perfect. Cool AC, cool bus driver, half empty bus and I slept like a baby the whole way.

"Why U can play what U want 2. All the critics love U in New York. They won't say that U're naive If U play what U believe in New York." - Prince, All the Critics Love U in New York

I Need Your Help!

CD Baby is having a contest for the top 100 sellers of the month. If you don't have my CD yet, buy it the month of August to help me win the contest! As an added bonus, I've knocked the price down to $8.99 for this month only. The first ten sales this month get an extra "special" gift from me. The top 100 sellers get featured on a special compilation that gets sent to 5,000 customers. Crazy, right?!

You can get my CD "Deviant" here: www.cdbaby.com/saturn2

And be sure to pump it at loud volumes and tell your friends about it!

"I feel invincible, I'm feeling bold. It's an illusion I'd like 2 hold. I'd like 2 suck it and eat it raw. It's an elixir, it makes me strong." - Saturn, Wild

WTF - Jimi Hendrix Said He Was Gay!

So, today's WTF entry is not so much a "what the f*ck?!?!" as a "get the f*ck outta here!!!" According to this Associated Press article which appeared on Yahoo, Jimi used the 'ole I'm a fudgepacker with an addiction to dick and masturbation line to get out of serving in the armed forces:

"In regular visits to the base psychiatrist at Fort Campbell, Ky., in spring 1962, Hendrix complained that he was in love with one of his squad mates and that he had become addicted to masturbating, Cross writes. Finally, Capt. John Halbert recommended him for discharge, citing his "homosexual tendencies."
Hendrix's legendary appetite for women negates the notion that he might have been gay, Cross writes. Nor, Cross says, was his stunt politically motivated: Contrary to his later image, Hendrix was an avowed anti-communist who exhibited little unease about the escalating U.S. role in Vietnam.
He just wanted to escape the Army to play music — he had enlisted to avoid jail time after being repeatedly arrested in stolen cars in Seattle, his hometown." (Read the full article here.)

Notice that they're very careful 2 say that he actually wasn't gay, that it was all a ruse, cuz really, how could one of the most influential musical geniuses of all time be gay???

Seriously, though, I don't think he was gay either. I just think it's pretty funny he used that to get out of serving. I have my own opinions, obviously, about the current"don't ask, don't tell" policy. (Do they have any fucking idea how many homos are serving right now? Get real!) Had there been a draft, there is no way I could have served. I wouldn't have had to open my mouth for them to know that I was dicksucker. The obsessive ogling and slight bent of my bony hands would have given me away. Not only that but I have a fetish for military men. MMMM mmmm MMMM! All those hot, masculine guys with sweaty muscled bodies all holed up together ... omg, I get hard just thinking about it. And if you think that's disgusting and graphic, hey, there's a reason I have a CD called "Deviant"!

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy." - Jimi Hendrix (Yes yes, I know it should be "Excuse me while I kiss the sky", but I just couldn't resist!)

The Shirt Off My Back

So, twice this past week I gave someone the shirt off my back, once literally and once metaphorically. I was at Rehobeth Beach for a much needed stint of R&R & hardcore drinking this past weekend. I was sitting having a martini at Aqua when this man comes up and says "how much 4 your shirt?"

"Um, excuse me?"

"My friend," he pointed to a woman, "loves that shirt. How much?" Well, they say money can't buy U everything ... but my shirt it could definitely buy! It was a cute black Jagermeister tank top (which fit me rather nicely) that I actually got for free at a promo at one of my local gay bars. So, I figured I'd cut the guy a break.

"$45," I said, thinking he would laugh and walk away. Well, color me dumbstruck. He took out his wallet and started counting. He even gave me a $10 "tip". So, I made $55 for nothing! I made more money in 1 minute than I've made in the last two months selling CDs! What's wrong with this picture? Well, I found out later he offered our delicious, shirtless, straight waiter $5,000 for 2 hours! I was very hurt and offended he didn't ask me! His loss, he could have had me at the bargain price of $4,500! LOL. See, U should never sell yourself short. Had I asked for a C-Note for my shirt, I probably would have gotten it.

Then there's the boy who rejected me on Thursday night. We talked very briefly before meeting that fateful Thursday night and he said he was a little worried because I seemed "overly affectionate" the last time we hooked up and he "didn't want to hurt my feelings." Well, after thinking about it this past weekend, he's absolutely right. I was "overly affectionate" as he so politely put it. Eager. Anxious. You should have seen me getting dressed. I don't remember the last time I got that excited about meeting someone. Which is why the fall was so much more pronounced. I asked why he wanted to meet me if he didn't think we were "sexually compatible". He answered "... because I like U." At the time, it was like he was speaking in Chinese! I couldn't see beyond my own hurt feelings and bruised ego.

Now the biggest question I have for myself is "why?" Why was I so eager to reveal so much of myself, to give him the shirt off of my emotional back, to open myself up unneccessarily? I didn't really know him from Adam if I'm honest about it. But then I think back over my life (yeah, it's getting deep here, folks) and I can count with my fingers on one ... ok, maybe two hands how many times a man has made me feel that way ... and most of the time, with only two exceptions, I knew it before I knew them, if that makes any sense. For instance, the first time I ever said hello to my ex, Michael, I knew I would fall for him. I just knew it. And I was right. The other times these guys who illicited these strong feelings from me turned out to be good friends (I was in the closet at the time), but that didn't stop me from falling for them. I knew when I first spoke to them I would fall and I'll be damned if I wasn't right. Not that I didn't try to stop myself, mind you. But it was no good. (Thankfully, my feelings got worked out over these "straight" guys from my college days and we remained good friends ... except the one who wouldn't speak to me after I came out ... but that's another story.)

Don't get me wrong ... I'm not saying I fell for this guy in the whole 3 hours that I knew him or that I even can fall that easily, it's just that I can tell when something is there ... that if I grow to know that person, (unless something unbelievable manifests itself about them, like they're a murderer or something), I know that my heart will be all theirs.

So, what does that say about me? That I'm psychic? That I'm emotionally desperate? That I have some kind of insight into people and what I'm looking for that I literally cannot yet define? Fact is, yes I knew he was only in town for a short while, that was actually the catalyst. It felt so fucking good to feel that way again, all giddy and overcome, that I let myself revel in it and embrace it simply because I knew he was only mine for a night or two. Had he lived here, I wouldn't have dared bare all so fast. But now I know better. Keep my feelings, as random and indescribable as they may be, in check no matter what. I have to become a better poker player so I don't lose my shirt again.

I also discovered something else this weekend while talking with my friends. I think I put too much emphasis, even subconsciously and unwillingly, on finding someone who's right for me. I think I've almost become predatory. Yikes! Can we say put on the brakes already? I shouldn't do that. I should be focusing instead on meeting quality people, period, to have in my life. I should dig a little deeper, find out more about people, have a genuine and non-sexual interest in who they are and connect in a more human way. If I run across someone who is right for me, I then won't have to do anything. It will just happen. Then I won't be so needy and desperate, however unintentional it may be.

So, the price for the shirt on my back is not a high one at all. Whether it be $55 or a heartfelt smile, I know that I have many many more shirts in my wardrobe to choose from and they all fit me rather nicely.

"Mmm mmm mmm, if I could melt your heart ... Mmm mmm mmm, we'd never be apart. Mmm mmm mmm, give yourself 2 me ... Mmm mmm mmm, U hold the key." - Madonna, Frozen